So, I’ve been reading three pregnancy books at once, and I recently finished them. I read the chapters on labor last, and, honestly, I really freaked myself out by reading them! It is bad, people, even when it is considered easy! But there are a lot of grisly, physical events (before, during, and after) that you might not know of. I’m not going into details, but say goodbye to your dignity, your muscle tone, and your ability to hold it until the next rest stop…
And just as I was getting over the books, I attended a party where all of the women had already enjoyed the fluid-filled route to motherhood. They had a lot of fun describing their individual labors, while I sat with my teenage nephew, playing Jenga and both trying so hard not to hear their conversation.
That said, they were full of other good information; very kind and helpful. But yikes, nobody wants to know that the water that breaks isn’t just clear water, and about your mucus plug. Eww.
BTW, we played a great game at the party called Curses. I haven’t laughed so hard in years, and I was completely sober!
Grandma Penny said,
March 13, 2008 @ 5:59 pm
Top Great Things about being pregnant….well, maybe!
1. Pregnancy can help you to make peace with your body. If, like a lot of women, you’ve had long-standing, love-hate relationship with your body, you may find it possible to call a truce of sorts for at least the next nine months. And, who knows? The truce may end up being permanent: a lot of women find that their feelings about their bodies are forever changed by the experience of being pregnant.
2. You’re guaranteed to be the life of the party. The entire world loves a pregnant woman, so, for the next nine months at least, you’re likely to be the center of attention wherever you go.
3. You can bow out of some of the least enjoyable household tasks. Not a big fan of painting? Eager to get out of changing the kitty litter? You’ve got the perfect reason to bow out of these particular household chores for the next nine months of your life while proving yourself to be a responsible and caring mother, to boot! After all, it would be reckless to expose your baby to toxoplasmosis (a parasitic infection that is passed through cat feces) or the toxins in paint fumes, now wouldn’t it?
4. You’ve got the perfect excuse to treat yourself to some new clothes. If you’re one of those women who has a hard time indulging herself in some new clothes, you’ve now got the ideal excuse to hit the shopping mall running. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got an entire closet full of fabulous clothes: they aren’t going to do you a lot of good over the next few months. So get ready to indulge yourself in one of the biggest perks of being pregnant: a guilt-free clothes shopping expedition.
5. You can up your food intake without worrying about getting stuck with some permanent souvenirs on your hips and thighs. You need an extra 150 calories a day during the first trimester and an extra 300 calories per day during the second and third trimesters, so if you’re a gal who enjoys her food, you’re going to get to enjoy an extra 80,000 calories worth over the next nine months.
6. You may get to witness a temporary rebirth of chivalry and good manners. It’s a boorish oaf indeed who would neglect to hold the door open for a pregnant woman or scoot past her on the subway to steal the last available seat. For the next nine months at least, you can expect to be on the receiving end of a number of random acts of kindness from complete strangers.
7. You’ve got the perfect excuse to pamper yourself. Feel like taking an extended siesta on a Saturday afternoon? Inclined to indulge in an hour-long bubble bath and then hit the sack early? You’ve got a nine-month license to indulge yourself, sister, so go for it! This is one time in your life when people will encourage — rather than berate — you for taking things easy, so be sure to seize the moment.
8. You now have something to talk to Cindy Crawford about if you happen to bump into her at the grocery store. If there’s one thing that pregnant women and new mothers like to talk about, it’s the joys and challenges of pregnancy and giving birth. It’s one of life’s great equalizers. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or how are famous you are: from now on you’ll begin to define yourself first and foremost as someone’s mother.
9. Mother’s Day stops feeling like a marketing scam created by the greeting card companies. If you’ve developed a rather jaded take on Mother’s Day over the years, you’re likely to find yourself re-thinking those sentiments once you become a mother yourself. In fact, rather than scoffing at the super-sappy cards you see in the card store, you’re likely to find yourself getting all choked up!
10. You get to experience the most powerful love imaginable: the love between mother and baby. Forget romantic love! It pales in comparison to the almost magnetic bond between mother and baby. If you’ve signed up for this pregnancy thing, you’re about to discover the number one perk of being pregnant: falling head over heels with your baby-to-be.